Christians, are you prepared to hear the voice of the Bible?

Nowhere have I seen more contempt for the teachings of the Bible than in the Christian church. Countless passages that end in, "thus says the Lord," are spurned and neglected wholesale by self-proclaimed Christians all over the United States. My whole life, I have watched Christians forget Jesus and continually fail to see him in the public square. And so my whole body feels shame and embarrassment as I find myself in awe of the utter depravity of the church's witness.

Why? Because the hungry are crying out, the thirsty are calling to you, the stranger is beckoning you, the naked are lying before you, the sick are dying in front of you, the captives are begging for your attention, and nothing can be heard from you but a deafening silence.

Do you even know the words of Jesus? Have you not read Matthew 25?

"The king will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me' Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me. ... Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." (vv.40-43, 45)

Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.

The message is clear! There it is in black and white! You who talk so much about Scripture being the Word of God. You who say things like, "The Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it." Here, Scripture cries out to us, beckons us toward justice, and you are blind to injustice and blind to your complicity. I can hardly believe just how blind you really are.

Are you not ashamed? Do you not see your failure? Are you not embarrassed when you think upon how depraved your conscience is?

Do you think you would have listened to the prophets in their time? No, just like those Jesus chastised, "you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets" (Matt. 23:31).

Listen to the voice of Amos, crying out because of injustice just like yours.

Woe to those who are at ease in Zion
And to those who feel secure in the mountain of Samaria ...
Those who recline on beds of ivory,
And sprawl on their couches,
And eat lambs from the flock
And calves from the midst of the stall,
Who improvise to the sound of the harp,
And like David have composed songs for themselves,
Who drink wine from sacrificial bowls,
While they anoint themselves with the finest of oils,
Yet they have not grieved the ruin of Joseph.
(Amos 6:1, 4-6).

Hear this, you who trample the needy, to do away with the humble of the land, ...
The Lord has sword by the pride of Jacob,
"Indeed, I will never forget any of their deeds.
"Because of this will not the land quake
And everyone who dwells in it mourn?
Indeed, all of it will rise up like the Nile,
And it will be tossed about
And subside like the Nile of Egypt."
"It will come about in that day," declares the Lord God,
"That I will make the sun go down at noon
And make the earth dark in broad daylight.
"Then I will turn your festivals into mourning
And all your songs into lamentation;
And I will bring sackcloth on everyone's loins
And baldness on every head.
And I will make it like a time of mourning for an only son,
And the end of it will be like a bitter day."
"Behold, day are coming," declares the Lord God,
"When I will send a famine on the land,
Not a famine for bread or a thirst for water,
But rather for hearing the words of the Lord,
"People will stagger from sea to sea
And from the north even to the east;
They will go to and fro to seek the word of the Lord,
But they will not find it.
"In that day the beautiful virgins
And the young men will faint from thirst."
(8:4, 7-13)

Take this warning!

If you are not concerned about the poor and needy, those who are trampled on by the powers that be, if you are not outraged by injustice, if you are not moved to mourning when people are exploited and oppressed, then you are on God's left! To you will God say, "Depart from me." God will bring you to judgment for your indifference to evil.

But if you turn from your selfishness, attune your ears to the cries of the oppressed, and lock your eyes on the needs of the downtrodden, then you will see God's justice. You will see God's victory over sin and death. If you want the kingdom of God, you first have to see with God's eyes, and God pays special attention to those in the world who are suffering and in need.

The prophet Jeremiah tells us that to defend the cause of the poor and needy is what it means to know God (Jer. 22:16). If you do not take up the cause of the poor and needy, then you do not know God. It's that simple.

If you cannot see that "Black Lives Matter" is the cry of the poor and needy, then you should go before God and beg for understanding. You should repent of your blindness and pray for revelation. But don't stop there, because you need to educate yourself.

The history of African-Americans is a history of oppression. It began with kidnapping and enslavement. It continued with racist laws that were designed to keep black Americans in a lower state of being than white Americans. And that racist system is not as old as you like to think. It's not as dead and gone as our racist ancestors.

The death-dealing system that white America built has never stopped oppressing black people. We've made strides, we've righted some wrongs, but too many oppressive structures are still in place. That death-dealing system continues to this day. We see it whenever black Americans are denied justice.

Wake up! Do not continue in your ignorance! Stop neglecting the history of the poor and needy in your country, and start listening to their cries!

"O land, land, land, hear the word of the Lord!"
(Jer. 22:29)

Jesus Wants Us to Doubt

We all know that our knowledge of the truth is incomplete. We all have an understanding that, at the end of the day, humans trying to understand all there is to know about God is like ants trying to understand the universe. If we're humble, we'll acknowledge this.

Because our knowledge of truth is incomplete, we should never be certain. We don't know everything there is to know, so we cannot make absolute claims about truth.

Part of why our knowledge of truth is incomplete is because our own personal bias always accompanies our truth claims. To use Plato's analogy, we all have caves. No matter how much we try to escape our caves, we will always remain in them to a certain extent. We cannot stop our own humanness from interfering in our truth-seeking.

Jesus understood the human condition. He understood that human knowledge is incomplete and that we all have our own caves that get in the way of us seeing the full truth. Because he understood this, he taught us to doubt.

Let me give you a few examples.

Jesus said in the sermon on the mount, "You have heard that it was said, 'an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth'. But I say to you. . . ." (Matt. 5:38-39). Here, Jesus was taking something that his audience accepted as true, and calling it into question. "You think this, but I say..."  He does this a few more times in the sermon, teaching them to call into question what they accepted as an ontological given.

In the garden when Jesus was about to be arrested, Peter took out his sword to defend Jesus and cut off a soldier's ear, for which he was admonished by Jesus. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus does this to his disciples. They do something--and most of the time with good intentions, thinking that they are operating in truth--and Jesus corrects them. He causes them to subject their actions to criticism; he teaches them to doubt.

Now let me explain what I mean by 'doubt' here.

Because our knowledge is incomplete, Jesus taught us that we should be self-aware and self-critical. We should question our own motives and actions. We should subject our claims and our decisions to critical analysis. This is a form of doubt.

Paul said, "Test everything; hold fast to what is good, and reject every kind of evil" (1 Thess. 5:21). Testing something, subjecting it to criticism, is a form of doubt. He could have just as well said, "Doubt everything; hold fast to what is good, and reject every kind of evil."

Mainstream evangelical Christianity teaches us to know what we believe. We have to be confident and certain. We cannot compromise. We cannot question. We cannot doubt. What comes out of this is a bunch of yes-people who just drink the Kool-Aid, putting their faith in and embracing a fixed, systematized Christianity that looks human and not like Jesus.

Jesus doesn't want us to put blind faith in a dominant ideology. He doesn't want us to just accept what is given to us. He taught us to call into question content control and the fixed systems of humanity. Jesus isn't a control freak; he wants us to doubt control freaks.

And guess what! We are control freaks. We have our own caves that we adapt Jesus to all of the time. We so often make Jesus in our own image. As long as we practice doubtless certainty--as long as we "know what we believe"--we will be embracing a portrait of truth that is infected with our own selves. Because we never know truth completely, as long as we completely embrace one understanding of truth, we will be in a cave, hidden from Christ's truth.

Jesus wants to save us from our caves, and that requires calling our conclusions into question. That requires doubting our caves. We often claim that we hear from God. But what if what we heard from God wasn't actually God? Moses thought he was hearing from God when he advocated the teaching of "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth" (Deut. 19:21; cf. Lev. 24:20, Ex. 21:24), but Jesus revealed to us that that theology was more human than God-like.

We need to be self-aware. When we commit to a conclusion to the point of uncompromising confidence, we are basically saying, "I refuse to do anymore learning." We need to acknowledge our limits as humans. We need to acknowledge our bias when we make truth claims, especially when we make them about God. As long as we doubt, as long as we call into question our conclusions, and subject our truth claims to criticism, we can be sure that we are staying true to the search for truth, we can be sure that we are seeking Jesus and not just our version of Jesus.

That all being said, there is a balance. While we shouldn't embrace doubtless certainty, we should also reject doubtful uncertainty. Nihilism is a recipe for despair. But since we can be never be certain that what we believe to be true is actually true, we have only to do the best we can, seeking truth.

As Christians, we need to seek Jesus. We need him to determine for us what is true, and that means always leaving the questions open. That means never being certain, because Jesus will always show us the limits of our thinking. Never remain comfortable with the status quo, but always be growing and adapting in the journey to Jesus.

And while we can never know if what we think we hear from God is actually from God, we can find peace in the knowledge that we are seeking truth. We can find assurance and rest in knowing that, while we can't know if we are right, we can know that we are genuinely seeking Jesus, and that's all that matters to him.

Universal Reconciliation Q&A

"I have reason to believe we all will be received in Graceland."
Paul Simon

I recently wrote a blog (here) advocating the doctrine of universal reconciliation. I knew there would be plenty of challenging questions in response, so I wanted to take some of them and respond to them here.

(I want to add to this, so please send me a question if you've got one to add.)

Yes, God is love, but he is also just. Though he wants all people to be saved, he also desires justice.

I have a few things to say in response to this.

First, universal reconciliation doesn't remove justice from the picture. Was justice not served when the prodigal son ended up fighting with pigs over food after demanding his inheritance and abandoning his father? In the same way, justice will be served when those who have chosen Hell on earth will get what they wanted. God's wrath is letting them have it (click here for a more thorough explanation of this view of God's wrath).

Secondly, what happened when the prodigal son returned?
In that day, it would have been the custom to make the son sit outside the home for days to prove that he was genuine in returning home. But when the son in the story returned, was the father so concerned with justice that he made him do this? Or did he run out to him (in that time, N. T. Wright provides, running was thought to be "undignified")(1) and embrace him? Did the father stop his son and ask him all kinds of questions to see if he was worthy of returning?

The son had a whole speech planned, and in it he was merely going to ask the father if he could become a slave in his house. The father wouldn't have it. He was just so happy that his son was returning.
Does this seem like a father that is super concerned about justice when it comes to his children?
Many say universal reconciliation is too human, but in this case, even the son himself was only expecting to be made a slave! In this case, the human version of justice wasn't good enough for God!

Finally, Jesus is a testament to the fact that [human perception of] justice is not God's main concern. He says something very interesting in John 12: "If anyone hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge that person. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world" (v.47; also see Jn. 3:17). He then adds, "The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge" (v.48). He is implicating God the Father here (see vv.49-50). However, elsewhere Jesus tells us that "the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son" (Jn. 5:22). So, the Father is not the judge, but hands judgment over to the Son, and the Son does not come to judge the world but to save it! Yes, there is judgment. Yes, there is justice. But "mercy triumphs over judgment" (Jas. 2;13). Ultimately, God's purpose is to save the world and not condemn it forever and ever, so Jesus will have mercy on those who reject him in this life. Timothy Jennings says beautifully, "biblical justice is delivering the oppressed, not punishing the oppressor!"(2)

(I elaborate more on this topic in another blog, here)


Can't "all people" simply refer to all races, cultures, and groups rather than literally every single person who ever lived?

In some cases, you can look at it that way, like when it says "all nations" or "all the ends of the earth." However, it is not more valid to interpret it this way. For other verses, I don't think you can avoid it by saying that it refers to all kinds of people. For example, when Psalm 65:2 says all people will come to God, the Hebrew words there don't mean, literally, "all flesh," same as 145:21.

In John 12:32 and 1 Cor. 15:22, the Greek text doesn't actually say "all people," but only says "all," and the Greek word for all literally means all, every kind of, each and every one, the whole.
 I don't see how you get past that.

If the Greek and Hebrew words for "forever" don't actually mean forever, wouldn't that also mean that God's love doesn't have to go on forever, since the same words are used to describe God?

I get this one a lot. It's a good point, but it stops short of disproving universal reconciliation because of two things:

1) I didn't say the Greek and Hebrew words for eternal can't mean forever. The reason these words don't have to mean forever is because they don't refer to an actual duration of time, because the biblical writers didn't think about forever and ever. They thought in generations and ages. Hell and God are similar in the sense that they are both beyond ages and generations, and their ends are not in sight to humans. When it says God's steadfast love goes on "forever and ever," it's really saying that it goes on and on and the end of God's love is not in sight.

I know what you're thinking. Wouldn't that mean that God's love can end?
No, and this leads to my second point:

2) These are not the only words used to describe God. Other words were used to describe God's everlasting characteristics. For example, God's love is said to never end. Nowhere does it say that Hell will never end.

Consider this illustration: the sun is huge.  Its circumference is 2.715 million miles long. We use words like enormous, gigantic, and humungous to describe how big the sun is, because it's so big we can't actually conceive of how big it is. The universe is also  enormous, gigantic, humungous. It goes on for billions upon billions of light years.

While the sun is enormous, it does have an end. The universe doesn't (well...maybe it does, but I'm not going to get into that; you get the point). Likewise, how long God lasts and how long Hell lasts can both be said to be olam or aion, it can also be that God can last forever while Hell ends at some point, because the words used to describe them doesn't actually specify a duration, just like the word humungous doesn't specify an actual size.

I should also add that this problem with these Greek and Hebrew words still comes up no matter what you believe about Hell. The Hebrew word olam (which is "supposed" to mean forever) is used by Jonah to describe how long he was in the belly of the fish (2:5-6). If it can be used to describe a period of 3 days, this word clearly doesn't have to mean forever.

If Hell is not forever, wouldn't that demean the atonement?

Maybe it would, if the only reason Christ died on the Cross was to save people from an everlasting Hell. But I don't believe this was the only reason, nor do I believe that this is the central reason.

Christ died on the Cross so that God could be in an intimate relationship with his creation. Throughout the Old Testament, God is trying everything he can to be in relationship with his people. All of human history is God in search of man. Jesus is a continuation of that story. The Cross is the greatest point in human history where we can see God in search of man, and I believe that story will continue even after death.

The atonement is many things. Let's not make it just about saving humanity from a never-ending Hell. It's so much more than just that.

I should also add that the doctrine of universal reconciliation doesn't take any of the horror out of Hell. One of the reasons for the atonement was still to save people from the horrible place in which they would experience all the consequences of their own sinful choices. It's not like Hell is any less terrible because it doesn't last forever and ever.

Consider this illustration: let's say all of humanity signed up to get addicted to cocaine at a certain point (it's a silly example, but sin is also silly). When God saw this, he sent Jesus to give them a way to avoid this doom. Some didn't accept his invitation, so they still headed to cocaine addiction. Sure, there's always rehab, but forcing oneself to submit to rehab while addicted to cocaine is incredibly hard, and the process of rehab isn't any easier. It doesn't take a Christian to tell someone to avoid cocaine. Why do most people avoid it? because they know that, though it promises euphoria, it leads to a terrible experience of which it takes what feels like a lifetime (here would be a good place for the word aionios) to break free.

Hell, like a cocaine addiction, is an awful fate no matter how long it is. Thank God he gave us a way out!

Isn't universal reconciliation an altered form of Calvinism's irresistible grace? Wouldn't the idea that God will eventually win all people over contradict free will?

I have a few things to say in response.

One, I am not saying that as long as there is a Hell, God is going to be turning up the heat, if you will, on his love so that he will become irresistible to people. I am saying that as long as there is a Hell, God is going to continue to do everything he can to save people from it. But as long as people have free will, they can reject him.

I will use an example to illustrate my point: let's say I find out that my friend Matt hates me. I can choose to ignore that fact and go on living my life forgetting that I love his friendship. But I do love his friendship, so instead I pursue him and am absolutely determined to find reconciliation. If I finally get to the point where Matt chooses to be my friend again, it wouldn't be because I overrode his free will, but because I pursued him long enough. In the same way, whenever God finally reconciles all people to himself, it will not be because he obliterated their free will with his love, but because he pursued them long enough.

Two, forever is a very long time. I don't think the day after judgment day God is going to win everybody over. Some will insist on Hell for a very, very long time. I just don't think God is ever going to stop pursuing those people.

Three, what I stress in universal reconciliation is not that everyone is going to be saved, but that God is never going to stop pursuing people. I stress this because I have no idea when everyone is going to be saved, and if it weren't for Scripture, I wouldn't believe it. It is because Scripture tells of a day when all people, all flesh, everyone will come alive and worship God that I believe that some day God will succeed in drawing all people to himself.


Have a question to add? Send it to me! 

Notes:
(1) N.T. Wright, After You Believe (New York: HarperOne, 2010), 12.
(2) Timothy Jennings, The God-Shaped Brain (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2013), 188.

Is God a Universalist?

"I am not a universalist because there are some people that I don't want to see again. But God may be."
Jurgen Moltmann

Which Universe Do I Live in?

Before I get into a defense of Universalism, I should clarify which form of Universalism I am defending.

I don't believe that all roads lead to God, or that it doesn't matter how people live in this life because they will all be in Heaven when they die. Nor do I deny the existence of Hell.

I believe in Universal Reconciliation, which states that as long as there is a Hell, God will be trying to reconcile all of its inhabitants back to himself. In this, Jesus is the one way to salvation, but eventually everyone will choose to say Yes to him.

Is Universalism in Scripture?

Any Bible-believing Christian must at least recognize that Universalism is something God wants.

1 Timothy 2:4 says that God "wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth."

We are told in 2 Peter 3:9 that God "is patient with [us], not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

Similarly, in Ezekiel 33:11, God says, "I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live." So, at the very least, Unversalism sounds just as wonderful to God as it does (or should) to us.

But can we go further than that and say that all people will actually be saved?

The Psalmist of Psalm 65:2 says to God, "to you all people will come."

Psalm 86:9 says, "All nations whom you have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and they shall glorify your name."

Psalm 145:21 says, "all flesh will bless his holy name forever and ever."

Isaiah 2:2 says that "all nations will stream" to "the mountain of the LORD's temple."

Then, in 52:10, we are told that "all the ends of the earth will see the salvation of God."

Jesus says in John 12:32 that "when I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all people to myself."

Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians, "as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive" (15:22).

He tells us in Philippians that, "at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord" (2:10-11).

The writer of Hebrews quotes what God revealed to the prophet Jeremiah, that "No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’ because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest" (8:11).

So it appears there are actually several places throughout Scripture that support Universalism. How then do we reconcile these verses with verses that talk about Hell?

Is Hell Forever?

The Greek and Hebrew words that are translated 'forever' or 'eternal' or 'everlasting' do not actually fit the description of these English words. The Hebrew word olam and the Greek words aion and aionios do not have specific durations. They do not mean "absolutely unending."

They denote time-independence, describing an age that is not bound by time and cannot be measured. It cannot be measured because the end is not known or in sight. These words mean "until the vanishing point" or "beyond the horizon."

The punishment one experiences in Hell is described in Scripture as something that is perpetual, ongoing. However, its actual duration is unknown. Thus, it does not have to be taken to mean forever.

And why should we limit God to that one thing? Why limit God to "All unrepentant sinners will go to Hell when they die and will be there forever and ever"? Does this not make us like Jonah, who, after he prophesied to the Ninevites, sat and waited for God to destroy them? He limited God to that one option. But God, when he "saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he relented and did not bring on them the destruction he had threatened" (Jon. 3:10).

Forever is a long time. Why decide for God that billions of years from now he is still going to be in Heaven thinking, "Yah, they still deserve it. I'll let them continue to suffer"? Why not let God decide how long Hell is going to last? This is what the biblical writers did. The words they used implied that people would be punished but they left the end of that punishment up to God.

Is God a Universalist?

The parable of the Lost Sheep is one of the most powerful explanations of the Father's heart that we have in Scripture. Every time I read it, I see something new and experience a little piece of the Father's love in the most magnificent way.

As an aspiring theologian, I often think about the theological implications of this parable. What does it tell us about God? Recently I have asked, what does it tell us about God and the doctrine of Hell?

But before we go there, let's look at some other parts of Scripture that tell us about the character of God.

Psalm 30:5 tells us that God's "anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime."

It is revealed in 1 John 4:16 that "God is love" and in 1 Corinthians 13:8 that "Love never fails."

Similarly, in Lamentations 3:22 we are told that "the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end."

A few verses later, we are told that "no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love" (vv.31-32).

This is similar to what James says, that "mercy triumphs over judgment" (2:13).

God tells us in Malachi 3:6, "I, the LORD, do not change."

Simarly, James tells us that "there is no variation or shifting shadow" in the Father of Lights (1:17).

So, now let us return to the parable.

God is the kind of God that leaves the 99 sheep to rescue the 1 that ran away (Lk. 15:4-7). He searches for it "until he finds it" (v.4). And "when he finds it" (v.5), he rejoices and throws a party. This is God's attitude toward sinners who run away from him.

Let us put these pieces together.

God is love. God's love never fails. (The Greek words that are used to describe punishment after death do not have to mean forever, but the Greek and Hebrew words for never are quite clear.) Though his anger comes, though he brings grief, mercy triumphs over judgment. He will show compassion because his love is unfailing. 

This is the way God is. He does not change. Though we are inconsistent, God remains the same.

What about after people die? Does God stop being the God who leaves the 99 to rescue the 1? Does his love cease? Does he stop trying?

In the Old Testament, God struggles with his people. He often threatens destruction and brings punishment, but he always ends up bringing restoration and promising ultimate reconciliation and victory. This is because, as Abraham Joshua Heschel says, "God does not delight in unleashing anger"(1) but, rather, his anger is used "to bring about repentance; its purpose and consummation is its own disappearance."(2) Ultimately, he pours out his love on his people; "It is a love that transcends the most intense anger, a love that abides in full recognition of human weakness."(3)

In the New Testament, this is beautifully revealed through Jesus, who tells us that God is not indifferent to sinners, but searches for them until he finds them. He runs to them when he sees them and embraces them as much as he can, knowing that when they sin and run away "they know not what they do" (Lk. 23:34).

Will this change once they die? Or will God keep seeking sinners even after they have chosen Hell?

Heschel said that, "All of human history as described in the Bible may be summarized in one phrase: God is in search of man."(4) I don't think this is a search that will ever end until God finds all of his creations and can embrace all of them.

So how do we reconcile the Universalist parts of Scripture with the Hell parts? We can affirm both. Yes, people will go to Hell if they choose it with their lives now (click here to see my blog about the nature of Hell for more explanation).

But, eventually, it will be that all people will come to God, all people will worship and glorify and bless his name, all nations will stream to his temple and experience salvation, all people will be drawn to Christ, all will be made alive in Christ, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord, and everyone will know him.

Yes, I think God is a Universalist.


Notes:
(1) Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Prophets (New York: HarperCollins, 2001), 369.
(2) Ibid., 367.
(3) Ibid., 380.
(4) Heschel, God in Search of Man (New York: Farrar, Starus and Giroux, 1983), 136.

To Love Another Person...

I was talking to a friend of mine tonight about my trouble experiencing the love of God in my life. You may find this ironic given the fact that "love" is the most used tag of all my blogs. Nevertheless, it is a problem I have had all my life. I know God loves me. I know his love for me is unconditional, without limit, overwhelming, and absolutely insane. But to experience this in my life? To have it put a stamp on my nature? To have it transform my inner being, my feelings, my daily life? I told my friend that it is almost like I have within me two consciences: my thought-life, and my inner-being. I can control my thought-life. I can decide what I think, what I'm going to believe, what I am going to know. But it seems like I cannot control what my inner-being feels. I know God loves me, yet I still find myself looking at the number of page views on my blogs, searching for affirmation. I know he loves me, but I still yell, "Why do you hate me?!" when something bad happens (though, it is always followed by an immediate correction--my emotions may not have good theology, but my brain knows how to straighten them out). I know God loves me, but I am still insecure in several ways.

My friend proposed that I might be having trouble receiving love from others. Love from others, he says, is a way to experience love from God. I really don't think that that is the problem. I know my fiancee loves me unconditionally. I know my friends and family love me unconditionally; and I experience their love in my inner-being. But for whatever reason, I cannot connect that to the love of God.

So what is my problem?
Before answering this, I should give a little bit of back story.

For a while, there has been some tension between a friend and I. We had been on awkward, no speaking terms for a while. That is, before tonight. In my small group on Monday, the Spirit was really moving us toward the topic of forgiveness, and it was revealed to me that God's love isn't awkward around anyone. God doesn't not speak to people. He never feels awkward when there's that elephant in the room. I was really convicted that night, so when I saw this person tonight, I made a point to go out of my comfort zone and practice Christ-like love. This was after having the conversation with my friend about not being able to experience God's love.
Now that you have the back story, I can tell you how I came to understand what my problem has been.

I thought about what this person said to me, how it hurt me, and how frustrated I have been. It's always hard to forgive because there's always the, "But, this, and this..." But I have been listening to a Jason Upton song in which he encourages the audience to sing "I choose to forgive!" So I chose to forgive, and tonight, I chose to love. I didn't have any reason to, and, in my mind, this person didn't deserve it. But I chose not to care. I chose to forgive and forget; I chose to love.
When I made that choice, for a second I felt the love of the Father come over me. In that brief moment, something inside me understood the love of God. I had been in a horrible mood all day, but for the rest of the night, I felt so overwhelmingly blessed and joyful. I often went and hugged my fiancee simply because I needed to rest from all the overwhelming knowledge of how blessed I am. And I realized what my problem has been:

I don't have a problem receiving love from others, but I do have a problem choosing to love people for no reason at all. My love for people is usually conditional. It is sparked by something in particular, and is almost never developed without a specific reason.

Jesus said that if you don't forgive others, you will not be forgiven. What I think he means is that without forgiving others we can't ourselves experience forgiveness from God. I think it is the same with his love. If we don't choose to love others unconditionally, we will not experience the unconditional love of the Father. As the song in Les Miserables says, "to love another person is to see the face of God."

I've been reading Henri Nouwen's book The Return of the Prodigal Son. In it, he talks about his journey from being the prodigal son returning home, to becoming the father welcoming others home. I've been thinking, "Gosh, would I like to know the experience of being the prodigal son!" I realized tonight that I need to become the father running to the son with the most unreasonable love, the love that rises above awkward situations. I know God the Father loves me. I know I've been the prodigal son and have returned home. In order for me--for it will not be the same for everyone, this may be the answer for me and not at all the answer for someone who loves others naturally but has a problem receiving love--to experience  that home-coming, that welcoming love, I have to give it to others.

I learned tonight that as long as I don't choose to love people without reason, I will never experience the unreasonable, unconditional love of God.

I choose to love you.